9 Ways to Overcome a Crappy Childhood and Find Healing

Ever wondered how to heal the trauma of a bad childhood? Charlotte reveals 9 essentials to work towards your healing and personal growth.

9 Ways to Overcome a Crappy Childhood and Find Healing

Introduction: Growing up in a challenging environment can have a deep and lasting impact on your emotional wellbeing. The emotional and mental wounds inflicted during a difficult childhood can linger, affecting various aspects of your life including work, relationships and how you feel about yourself. I want you to know healing is not only possible but also achievable with the right guidance and strategies. As a psychotherapist specialising in mother-daughter relationships, I've had the privilege of witnessing many women embark on journeys towards healing. In this comprehensive guide, I aim to share seven powerful strategies that can help you navigate the path to healing and personal growth.

Recognising Your Experience: It's crucial to recognise and validate the depth of your emotions regarding your upbringing. Feelings of loss, grief, frustration, anger, and confusion are entirely natural responses to having faced criticism, control, competition, and emotional absence from your mother. Many women I've had the privilege to work with resonate deeply with these sentiments, finding support and healing in the shared experiences of others.

Acknowledging the Impact: Case Studies from Clients

Yvette: "I've been no contact for two years, and what I'm discovering is that I'm more 'me' without her. This is all about the gain. The loss doesn't exist for me..."

Yvette joined my group program just before deciding to go no contact with her mum, after understanding the impact of her childhood, she began to unlock strategies that worked for her including working on her relationship with herself, this is the result!

Lynne: "With her support, I've been able to move through a rocky period in my life, set boundaries with people that I never would have been able to before..."

Lynne’s time in my group program was all about unlearning toxic behaviours and dynamics within her family, when she began to set realistic boundaries and found her self-worth she became more confident, resilient and in control of her life!

It's Not Your Job to Fix Your Mum: Recognising that your mother's behaviour isn't your responsibility to fix is a crucial step in your healing journey. Understanding this distinction is liberating—it allows you to focus your energy on healing yourself and establishing healthy boundaries. I guide women to understand that their healing journey is a separate and distinct path from their mother's journey.

So what can I do to help myself? I hear you ask, here’s the how:

Nine Ways You Can Work Towards Healing

  1. Embracing Self-Care Rituals: Prioritise self-care activities that nourish your mind, body, and spirit. This can include anything from meditation, yoga, to spending time in nature.
  2. Building Healthy Relationships: Surround yourself with individuals who provide genuine support, understanding, and encouragement. Creating a supportive network can be immensely therapeutic.
  3. Mindfulness and Emotional Awareness: Develop a deeper understanding of your emotions. Through mindfulness practices, you can learn to acknowledge and manage your feelings effectively.
  4. Therapy and Professional Support: Seeking guidance from qualified therapists can be invaluable in processing past traumas and facilitating healing. A therapist, like me can provide personalised strategies to help navigate your complex and at times, painful experiences.
  5. Creative Expression and Art Therapy: Engaging in creative pursuits such as painting, writing, or music can serve as a powerful outlet for emotions, facilitating healing in ways words sometimes cannot.
  6. Identify Toxic Behaviours and Dynamics: Who in your family puts people down to feel better? Who is quick to judgement or anger? What behaviours make you feel hurt or uncomfortable? When we understand what’s happening within our family and how these dynamics make us feel, we can start to make choices.
  7. Developing Resilience: Cultivate a positive mindset despite past adversities. Building resilience allows you to bounce back from challenges and continue on your path to healing.
  8. Applying Therapeutic Techniques (EFT, Meditation, Somatic Release, Poly-vagal theory): Engage in proven therapeutic methods such as Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), Meditation, Somatic Release, and Poly-vagal theory. These techniques can provide a profound sense of relief and facilitate healing.
  9. Engage with the Daughters of The Roses Program: Our signature program, Daughters of The Roses, offers an in-depth exploration of mother wounds and provides tailored support for healing. It's a guided journey designed to empower you in understanding and overcoming the impact of a challenging mother-daughter relationship and incorporates all the things we have talked about today.

Success Stories:

Angela: "Immediately on reminding myself of this (Charlotte's teaching), the bad feeling went away..."

For Angela unlocking strategies like reminding herself of something in a difficult moment helped her to overcome her mum’s negativity towards her, that constantly brought her mood and self-esteem down. Now she feels more resilient and doesn’t look to her mum to validate her, because she has realised that’s not something her mum can do.

Nats: "This group has so many resources; it is really helpful for you to work at your own pace..."

For Nat a busy working mum, being able to dip in and out of the group program resources whenever she had time was a big help in staying motivated and finding time to heal herself. This helped her unlearn the idea that she wasn’t worthy of healing.

Finding Balance in Your Relationship with Your Mum: Establishing healthy boundaries and understanding that your healing journey is separate from your relationship with your mother is pivotal. It's crucial to recognise that your personal growth and healing are your responsibilities and should not be dependent on altering your relationship with your mother.

Conclusion: Healing is a transformative journey that requires dedication, courage, and patience. It's a journey that's not walked alone. As you explore these strategies and tools, remember that you're not alone on this path. Consider taking the first step towards healing by joining my Daughters of The Roses Program—an empowering and supportive space crafted for your healing. Taking that initial step toward healing speaks volumes about your strength and resilience.

Award Winning Psychotherapist and Mother Wound Whisperer, Charlotte Pardy MA

Categories: : case studies, childhood, Healing, mom, Mothers, mum, trauma, triggers