Parenting a Parent: Abandonment, Addiction, and Finding Your Freedom

When a parent struggles with mental health issues or addiction, it often turns the world upside down for their children.

Instead of growing up feeling safe, supported, and nurtured, many daughters find themselves stepping into the role of emotional caretaker, crisis manager, or even parent themselves, long before they are ready. And when that parent is emotionally absent, unreliable, or battling addiction, the wounds can run deep and last well into adulthood.

Abandonment isn’t just about being physically left behind, though that certainly leaves scars. Emotional abandonment, when a parent is physically present but emotionally unreachable, can leave you feeling isolated, invisible, and deeply unsure of your own worth.

Many women who grew up with an emotionally absent or addicted parent face a second wave of pain as that parent ages. You may feel intense guilt about setting boundaries, even if you know it’s what’s best for your wellbeing. You may feel fear. Fear they will turn up at your door needing care, fear of becoming responsible for them all over again, fear of being trapped in a cycle you’ve fought hard to break.

If any of this resonates, please know you’re not alone. Healing from this kind of complex abandonment is possible, but it starts with recognising what you have been carrying.

Here are three things you can do if you’re facing these feelings:

1. Acknowledge That Your Pain Is Valid

It’s not selfish to recognise that your childhood needs were not met. It's not wrong to acknowledge that parenting a parent left you feeling abandoned, overwhelmed, and afraid. You are allowed to grieve what you didn’t get.

Validating your own experience is the first step toward building healthier emotional boundaries.

2. Set Clear, Compassionate Boundaries

You are not responsible for fixing your parent’s life, healing their pain, or sacrificing your own wellbeing to save them. Boundaries are not about punishment, they are about self-respect and emotional safety.

It’s okay to say:

"I’m not able to offer care in the way you need."

"I can’t have that conversation right now."

"I need space for my own wellbeing."

You can care about someone without taking full responsibility for them.

3. Prioritise Your Own Healing and Support

You cannot pour from an empty cup. The legacy of abandonment and emotional neglect can leave deep patterns of guilt, anxiety, and people-pleasing. Healing those patterns takes time, support, and self-compassion.

Working with a trauma-informed therapist or joining a supportive community can make all the difference in learning that you deserve care, too.

🌹 Bonus Tip: You Don’t Have to Do It Alone 🌹

Inside my Daughters of the Roses membership, we explore these exact challenges. Together, we learn how to untangle the guilt, release the shame, and rewrite our story. so you can live with the freedom, confidence, and peace you deserve.

You can find out more about how we can walk this path together here.